I have been taking the Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab workshop. It is based on the book, "The Gifts of Imperfection", by Brene Brown. The course got off to a slow uneventful start, but last night my copy of the book arrived.
This morning while on my treadmill I was reading the part about a talk Brene had been asked to participate in, basically she felt completely overshadowed by the other speakers and the high level of audience for the talk. This overwhelmed her and made it impossible for her to prepare for the speaking engagement. She talks about how she spoke to a friend who told her to "put away the measuring stick". She needed to stop measuring herself against the audience and the other speakers.
It may seem like a small statement but they both might as well have been there in the room with to hit me with that stick for how it impacted me. For the first time since I started the Dream Lab workshop I broke down. I am constantly measuring myself to other people and constantly finding myself falling short. I also realized that one of the reasons I have issues confronting my staff (I manage an insurance office) about the areas they need to improve is that I don’t feel like I can because I am so far from perfect. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
I ran upstairs poured it all into a journal and still sat there crying. I can’t convey how hard this hit me. After almost an hour I didn’t have myself together so I called a friend just to tell them of my experience because I felt so overwhelmed. I still do. Right now I see the problem, I haven’t yet seen the answer, but I have faith that it will come. I think finally seeing the issue for what it is will push me to seek the answers. Because somewhere deep inside I do believe that exactly who I am is just enough.
