Archive for 2010

Out With The Old

Friday, December 31, 2010

What 11 things do I need to let go of in 2011?

1. Perfection - My need to be perfect, I am not and never will be perfect and I can't expect myself to be.
2. My obsession with clothes - Yes they are lovely, yes I am not really happy with my appearance but buying more clothes won't change that.  There are so many things I can't do because I spend all my money on clothes.
3. Guilt - I release all guilt.  I am not perfect, I may regret some of my actions but I will learn from the regret and let it go.
4. Fear (this may be a multi-year project) - It holds me back and keeps me from achieving my personal best.
5. Debt - It had me in it's never ending grasp and cycle.  I will no longer be a victim.
6. Swearing - I do way to much of it and it is unnecessary and unedifying.  
7. Temper Tantrums - Yes at almost 40 that should likely not even be an issue but it is.  I will not allow situations and circumstances to control my actions the way they have in the past.
8. My Weight - Yes I am unhappy about it and yes I need to lose some but I will stop obsessing with it because it simply isn't worth that much thought.
9. Negativity - I think for me this one speaks for itself...let it go....
10. Worry - Life is too short and too precious to spend it in worry.
11. Inadequacy - I will celebrate who I am and not worry about who I thought I should be.
12. Anger - This kept coming to mind but I kept rejecting it, I am angry and I release that anger to focus on the positive and the miracles.   

Black and White

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” - Rumi

I have always lived my life according to black and white rules.  It is either right or wrong, good or bad, pain or no pain.  What I am learing to realize is that sometimes things just are and sometimes the shades of grey are acceptable. 

I can celebrate that I have less pain even if there is still some pain.  I can look back at the footprints in the sand of my life and realize that I may not be where I want to be but look how far I have come.  I can look at the rules of right and wrong and realize that life will not always play by my rulebook and sometimes I have to bend the rules.

What matters is simply that I enjoy today because I will never get it back and if I spend everyday looking for perfect my entire life will pass me by.  So today I will open my heart to the nuances all around me the beautiful and the ugly, the pleasure and the pain and just live. 

A New Experience

Saturday, December 18, 2010 · Posted in

This is my very first blog post.  I don't expect that anyone but myself will ever read it but I am not concerned about that.  My goal with this blog is to document my journey as I try to become more present and aware and I learn to open up and share myself with those around me.  My need to protect myself has come between me and real true relationships for most of my life and I am determined to change that. 

I need to change the focus in so many ways in my life, to let go of so many things.  There are so many things I have tethered myself to, self inflicted punishments for perceived short comings.  So many things I need to let go of in order to free my spirit and really truly live my life.  I am committed to doing this, and this is the start of the journey.  

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